Nerves
by kaylakyle
Summary: Set right after season 7. Cristina spends the night, and many more, at Meredith's.
1. Chapter 1

It was now 3:00 in the morning, and Cristina hadn't slept very much. Meredith was upstairs, up with the baby for what seemed like every hour on the hour. Cristina had been nursing a headache something fierce, and the incessant crying was not helping. She hadn't wanted to take anything because she'd rather just suffer. She knew that everything bad that happened to her she had brought on herself, or at least that's how she felt at this moment.

Wow, she'd slept for 2 whole hours. Now, her sciatic nerve is killing her. How in the hell a baby the size of a grain of rice is putting pressure on a nerve that runs under her uterus she'll never understand. Just great. She got up off the couch she'd been on for hours and walked. She actually ended up pacing back and forth to ease the pain. It worked, but every time she lay down again, the pain came back. Fabulous- now she's got a headache and a backache and will most likely never sleep again. Oh, and her husband threw her out of her home that she actually sort of liked living in. She thought of that popular saying a few years back and repeated it out loud- "Sucks to be me."

At 7, she managed to shower and get dressed and hop a ride to work with Lexie, who though curious about why Cristina was staying at Meredith's, wisely stayed silent. Cristina's goals for today were simple- stay awake, keep moving to avoid the nerve pain, and avoid her husband, whom she was not prepared to go another 12 rounds with. She also managed to avoid Meredith, who was suspended and was spending her first day home alone with the baby. Cristina felt guilty about not asking Meredith if she needed anything. Oh well, she thought, there's always tomorrow.

Her phone hadn't rung all day. No text messages, no anything. Cristina wondered why she had expected Owen to come running to her on his white horse. It was just that he always did. Isn't that a reason why she had loved him? He was always strong, dependable, reasonable (some times), and for some unknown reason, he loved her.

She returned to Meredith's at 9 that night and had seriously thought about getting a hotel. Then she felt like she'd already been a jerk to Meredith all day, so maybe she could make it up to her. She called Meredith and asked her if she needed her to stop off and get some things.

"YES! I need a swing and a bath thing, and a bouncer seat, and a high chair, and some bath toys, oh and some regular toys and bath shampoo and that baby towel thing with a hood and." Cristina hung up on her.

She returned to the house with exactly 2 things for Meredith- a baby bath and a bath toy. She figured it was her job as Zola's sure-to-be-Godmother. Meredith was grateful but wanted to talk.

"I can't. I'm all talked out," lamented Cristina.

However, she did pipe in with, "I can't believe you kicked Alex out. He deserved it. Oh well, I'm totally taking his room. I probably should disinfect it first, but I'm dead tired. Good night." She fell on the bare mattress and immediately to sleep.

2 hours later, that pesky sciatic nerve again. You've got to be kidding me, thought Cristina. How is one supposed to function without sleep? She was ready to get in the car and buy an over the counter sleep aid but decided to try walking again. She didn't sleep again until 3 and then woke up at 5 with more back pain. This time, her walking took her straight to the bathroom, where she puked in the toilet 5 times. Hanging over the commode was not good for her sciatic nerve, and the puking (and lack of sleep probably) was making her shake. Then the tears fell.

Meredith was managing to calm Zola by patting her with her left hand while holding Cristina's hair with her right. "It's time to talk, Crissy."

Cristina let the nickname slide since she couldn't care about anything at this moment and lifted her head from the toilet and replied, shouting, "What the hell is there to talk about?" Tears were now free falling down her face as she once again returned to hug the toilet.

Meredith secured Cristina's hair with a pony and left the bathroom (and Cristina) alone. "What the hell is going on?" asked Derek. Meredith talked fast. "Short version- she's pregnant and is getting an abortion. Owen threw her out of the house. She can't sleep because her sciatic nerve's killing her, and nobody can get in the bathroom because she can't stop puking."

Without responding to Meredith, Derek turned around and left their bedroom. He showed up in the bathroom and pulled Cristina from the toilet by her hips. "I want you to eat these", shoving 2 saltine crackers into her mouth. "Keep your stomach filled but not stuffed. When you're up at night, eat. You understand?"

He called over Meredith, Lexie, April, and Jackson. Dutifully, they all packed into the bathroom. "I'm going to show all of you how to help ease her sciatic nerve pain. He then used Cristina for his example and explained precisely where to press and massage. Cristina was so relieved that, for a moment, she thought about stealing her best friend's husband.

"I called you in sick for this morning", explained Derek. "You need sleep. You can go in later." After the crowd dispersed, Derek dried her tears and told her to go back to bed. While she lay down, Derek did that magical thing he did in the bathroom, and she quickly fell back asleep. She woke up at 5 in the afternoon and realized that not only had she missed an entire day of work, but she had also missed that appointment.


	2. Rerouting

Cristina lay in bed, thinking about her missed appointment and shoving saltines into her mouth. She had wanted everything to keep going as planned. She wanted to be a surgical superstar. And she also liked marriage, believe it or not. Owen didn't really demand much from her, surprisingly. She always assumed marriage would be too hard for her, but it really wasn't.

There was no way her star would ever rise if she were to become a mother. She knew that if she had this baby, it would be all consuming, and she also knew that if she had to choose between being a superstar and her child, she knew which one she would ultimately pick. Didn't Meredith's mom prove you can't be both a great surgeon and a great mother?

She also knew from the moment Lucy showed her the sonogram with the audibly beating heartbeat that her plans were over. What was that Jewish saying her stepfather says? "Man plans, and G-d laughs."

It didn't matter that she missed the appointment. Cristina was never going to voluntarily abort her own baby.

From that moment, she knew she'd never be a surgical superstar. That all her hard work was for nothing. After all, there was no way she would ever leave her baby to strangers to take care of. Which likely meant she was going to be a run of the mill stay at home mom. And then she'd ultimately want to have more because once you have one baby, it's hard to stop, or so she'd heard.

So she started re-routing her life right there and then- her own personal course correction.

Googling led her to websites with places to take one's child to. She got paper and wrote down her new schedule- well, for 8 months or so from now.

On Mondays and Wednesdays, there was storytime at the main Seattle branch at 10 am.

There was a music class on Tuesdays at 10 and a gymnastics class on Thursdays. For the afternoons, she found 5 shaded parks and even 1 with a water play area.

On Fridays, there was a mommy and me in the morning.

On Saturdays, she and the baby would take swim classes. She'd have to get in shape quickly and buy cute bathing suits because she would have to go into the water with the baby.

Finally, on Sundays, there was a daddy and me storytime at the Kellington branch library. Cristina decided this would be her me time, and Owen would just have to adjust his schedule accordingly.

This isn't so bad, she thought. Cristina spent the next 7 hours into the night researching Seattle motherhood. She preregistered the baby for the best preschool in town and put her unborn child on a lottery list for the hottest magnet school. I could be president of the P.T.A., thought Cristina. Hell, with a little work and a little makeup, I could be the hottest mom in the whole school.

She continued her efforts. Cristina looked at their joint bank account and made an online budget. We can afford one income, she thought. We just have to go down to one car, that's all. She looked up which stores doubled coupons and signed up for 14 different coupon sites.

She then realized that she needed more friends so that they can buy her stuff. She signed up for 4 online mommy groups and 3 different prenatal classes. She then registered for 475 items at Babies R Us and 135 items at Target. She had no idea what a baby needed, so she picked one of everything. Her gut told her it was a boy. So, she refused to register for any girly or neutral things.

Then her research took her to her favorite topic, medicine. She read on the benefits of breastfeeding and the controversy over immunizations. She made decisions on both.

She learned of the back- to- sleep method and how it's making a lot of babies have to wear helmets to reshape their heads. So, just in case, she picked out an adorable looking one.

She looked up breast pumps, pacifiers, recalled toys, baby food, diapers, and even colleges. She then signed her baby up for a prepaid state university tuition plan.

Tired from being on the computer for hours, she laid down in bed and curled up with the book she'd bought the night before with the bath stuff for Zola. Her impulse purchase- What to Expect When You're Expecting.

Finally, at 4 am, she took a break and went to sleep.

At 7, Cristina woke with a jolt and immediately shoved crackers into her mouth and laid in bed, counting. After she got to 100, she decided she wasn't going to be sick, so she got up and got dressed. Yes! No puking and no nerve pain.

She raced to work, anxious to tell Owen about her plans. She knew he was mad at her. But what did her stepfather's mother say? "He's mad? So he'll get glad."

She looked everywhere for her husband but couldn't find him.

Smack in the middle of her shift, and still having not spoken to Owen, Cristina literally slammed into a woman dressed in a suit and carrying a document bag. "Uh, sorry," said Cristina.

"No, I'm sorry. Someone pointed you out to me and I ran literally into you! I'm Kaleina Johnson, head of HR for Miami. I'd like to talk to you about possibly joining us. I don't usually travel cross country, but I've been trying to reach you for the past few days and I thought, why not, just go ahead and spend tax payer dollars."

Are you kidding me? thought Cristina. Miami wants me? Miami? Miami was pushing ahead of Baltimore. This could totally put me on the map, silently screamed Cristina. Oh my g-d, I really am gonna be a superstar.

Cristina and Kaleina walked around outside the hospital and eventually sat down on one of the picnic benches. Cristina's eyes were lighting up as Kaleina explained her offer of an unbelievable fellowship.

"We'll need you the first week of the new year. Will that work for you? I imagine you have your choice of hospitals and you could literally pop up anywhere in the country."

Suddenly, Cristina's light faded.

January?

"I'm sorry, Ms. Johnson, but I won't be popping up anywhere in January. I will be popping out."

Cristina turned and walked away. She'd let herself get a little excited, she admits. But, that's not the plan anymore, she reminded herself.

I'm going to be an excellent mother instead.


End file.
